you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
