Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
