I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
