I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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