god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We named our party play list daddy issues
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
