Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
