I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
time to smoke my breakfast
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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