Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
