i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
