I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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