ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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