Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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