dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
