Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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