On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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