angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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