As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
