Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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