You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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