I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
