win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
