i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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