I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
