I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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