I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
