Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
