just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
