the new term for farting is butt boxing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He has the fingertips of a God
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