I'm going to jail i love you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
