I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
