I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
