Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
