I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
