Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
