I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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