She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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