He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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