His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
