we made out on top of his cat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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