Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
