I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
