ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
