yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
