That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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