When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just gargled with NyQuil
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
