How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
