I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
