So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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