i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I look better un-naked...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
