I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
